How Confusing Is My Life
by Jerseygrl-at-heart
Summary: this is basically adam's life through his eyes. through it all. rated m for later chapters and adult themes :    summary sucks but contenet be good


"Adam!"

"What Drew?"

"Hurry up, I need the bathroom too! Hair this gorgeous doesn't get pretty by itself!"

I opened the door, "Pretty, THAT'S what you call it?"

Drew smiled, "Well, I say it's sexy, but I like to be modest" he joked.

"Yeah suurrreee…."

"Just let me in please? We're leaving in twenty minutes, and I need to use the bathroom too."

I made a puppydog face, "Just give me five more minutes."

"Fine…"

I closed the door once more and continued with what I was doing. I picked up the wrap (usually used for ankle injuries, wrist injuries, etc.) and took off my shirt. _Shoot _I thought to myself_ I need like a super-tight sports bra or something, my boobs are getting huge. _I began to wind the wrap around my sports bra until my chest looked almost flat. I didn't want another situation like the one with Bianca to occur.

I hated being an FTM*, I just wish I was a boy. Being born a girl wasn't so convenient when everything you think about is in the mindset of a teenage guy. The only bright side to being a chick in a school with really hot girls was not getting boners. Quite good actually.

It's not like that would have mattered. Now everybody knows I'm a girl… they just think I'm a freak or a cross dresser. But they're just wrong. Luckily I have a couple great friends who understand and love me no matter what. Eli (whom I'm convinced he's going to marry my cousin Danielle someday… they're perfect for each other) is my best guy friend. I can totally just be a guy around him, and he's totally accepting that I'm a…girl. Eeew, I hated that word. And then there's Clare. She's the bomb. Covering up for me when I dropped my tampons, not asking too many questions, comforting… perfect friend.

I hadn't realized that I was in the bathroom staring at the mirror until I heard Drew's fist slamming at the door, "Five minutes is up! My turn Adam!"

So, I buttoned up my plaid shirt, zipped my skinny jeans, put on my hoodie and winged beanie that I loved and let Drew have the bathroom. I ran down the stairs to go get my breakfast.

"Morning Adam" my mum said cheerfully.

"Hey Mum, what's for breakfast?"

"Uhmm... Waffles." She had forgotten and tried to pop a couple waffles in without me noticing. I played along. "So, it's Friday, are you hanging out/sleeping over Eli's tonight?"

"Yeha we have plans. We're gunna go see that new scary movie and then go to his house and play video games and stuff."

"How about Clare?"

"She's having a girl's night with Alli"

"Oh… so I assume Drew doesn't have any plans… good. Because he's going to help me clean the house tonight."

"Ooooh, fun. Does he know?"

She smiled "He will eventually."

I grabbed my waffles from the toaster as my mum and I walked to her car with Drew running behind us.

I walked to Eli's locker as I did every morning. Clare was there (she and Eli are dating) and so was Eli (duhhh).

"Hey guys" I smiled.

"Hey Adam" Clare happily replied.

"Sup man?" Eli casually asked.

I turned to Eli, "We still on for tonight?"

"Yessir we are. Pre-ordered the tickets and got the games. Guy's night tonight!" We high-fived.

Clare looked a bit left out, but Alli lucky walked up. Perfect timing as always.

"Hey girlie. Tonight's gunna be awesome!" Alli smiled.

"You got the movies?" Clare asked.

"Yes ma'am. 'A Walk to Remember', 'The Last Song', and 'Letters to Juliet'. I also got us some ice cream and magazines."

I internally laughed when I thought how that could easily be me. It's crazy how close I was to that…

"You're such girls…" Eli commented playfully.

"Well, I would hope so…" Clare wittily replied.

"Touché." Eli smiled as he and Clare kissed. Alli and I looked at each other. She was smiling; she was obviously pleased that her beat friend was no longer single. And I was happy for them too… it just really hurt me.

Every time they kissed or smiled or flirted or touched each other it made me feel like I had a pit inside of my stomach that was threatening to eat me. I didn't want Clare (in that way), nor Eli, but I just didn't want to think about how that wasn't likely to be me anytime soon. Nobody likes an FTM, nobody understands. I walked away without saying a word.

The doorbell rang. "I got it!" I yelled through the house. It was Eli, ready to pick me up in his hearse, Morty.

"Hey man." Eli said.

"Ready to go?"

"Yep, let's get er dun." He said, an attempt at comedy.

"Please dude. If you love me, or care about me at all, NEVER say that again."

"Hahaha sure. Let's go."

The movie was pretty good over all. Great special effects and acting. The only part I didn't like was whenever the couple had their little makeout session. I once again felt that pit in my stomach enlarge. It almost made me nauseous. Luckily, the evil mutant ghost child killed the chick, so that nauseous feeling didn't last for long.

We got to Eli's house and I changed into a tee shirt and some sweat pants. Then we played MW2** for like three hours. After that we just layed all over his room watching TV lazily.

"Hey man, can I ask you a question?" Eli asked.

I sat up, "Sure dude, what's on your mind?"

"I was just wondering… do you think what I'm doing is wrong?

"What do you mean?" I questioned.

"Do you think I'm moving too fast? I mean after the Julia thing… I don't know if what I'm doing is betrayal. What do you think? Of course, again with the relationship crap.

I sighed, "Well, I think the Julia thing wasn't your fault…" ouch ouch ouch "…and that she would want you to be happy with Clare. For real. I don't want to sound like a jerk…" ouch ouch ouch "…but I really think you should move on."

Eli looked relieved, "Thanks… I really needed clarification."

"No problem…"

WHY WON'T THINK ACHING PAIN GO AWAY?

Please please please please review. MUST know if I should continue!

*FTM- female to male transgender

**Modern Warfare 2 (Call of Duty)


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